#but also like why tf am I nauseous

[leoxxii]

I HAFVE TO GO TO THE DMV 2DAY AND I AM SOSO SCARED

[bbunivxrse]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 2:34AM ‒ megumi fushiguro

pairing ‒ 21+megumi x f!reader contents ‒ College AU, alcohol consumption, gets a bit suggestive at one part but no smut, heartbroken megumi gets wasted asfff, a bit angsty word count ‒ 2.3k a/n ‒ a tad bit angsty fgjioejio wrote this at like 4am if you see mistakes no tf u didnt ??? - also making my posts more nice n pretty n aesthetic cuz i felt like it :3

Megumi Fushiguro sat alone on the couch at a party. he can’t recall why he was there or how many shots he had but everything was starting to get cloudy. girl after girl walking up to him, offering him drinks. he hates alcohol. he hates the taste, he hates the smell, he hates the feeling of it in his mouth and going down his throat, he hates being drunk and he hates being hungover, yet he continues accepting all their offers. the women were hot but none of them were you. maybe he thought if he drank enough he could forget the past, forget the guilt and move on from everything like he should’ve a long time ago. he thought if he got drunk enough the regretful thoughts of the past would go away and the thoughts of you along with it. then he could go on with his life. but the more he drank the more present it became and the more his reality began to shatter at the thought.

girl after girl came up to him, sat near him, sat beside him, sat on him, yet it was only you he could think about. he gladly took their drinks but could barely have a one sided conversation with them for a few minutes before shooing them away.

as the party went on it felt like the music got louder and the lights brighter. his head pounded and he felt nauseous. ‘what am i doing here.’ megumi sinks into the couch, trying to keep himself calm by taking deep breaths and grounding himself in reality. ‘i wanna go home.’ he takes out his phone and stares at his lock screen, it was pitch black with only the white text of the time and date showing. he remembers when it used to be a picture of you with the text showing how far away you were from him. a picture you had taken of yourself in the mirror and sent to him, moments later he had it saved and set it to his wallpaper. he remembers your reaction when you saw it, a bright smile on your face while he was a bit embarrassed to be caught doing something he considered a bit ‘obsessive.’ 

megumi is ripped from his thoughts as someone taps on his shoulder. “wanna have a drink with me..?” he looks up to a see a woman standing right in front of him, a bottle of wine in her hand. megumi wanted to say no, and he was about to, until he took a closer look. ‘she looks just like her’. no, she wasnt exactly the same, but she was similar. from the shape of her body to the way she did her makeup, the way she styled her hair, the jewelry she wore and the shy expression on her face. even the damn dress she wore was similar to the short, black, skin tight dress he had bought you. she was so similar, so familiar, but it still wasn’t you. “sure.”

megumi patted his lap for her to sit down. she handed him the entire bottle and the two of them shared until the bottle was finished. they chatted as they took swigs from the bottle of wine, and as the conversation went on megumi continued to realize that as similar as she seemed, she wasn’t you. it started to throw him off. she didn’t talk like you, she didn’t have the same favourite colour or have the same aspirations. she was still a stranger. she felt like you, looked like you, dressed like you, she almost was you. almost. “let’s go somewhere private.”

megumi pulls her off his lap and leads this mysterious women to a bedroom. this would be the first time he’s fucked another woman since getting with you, even though it’s been months since you left him. he hasn’t even looked at another woman until tonight. he closes the door to the bedroom, the mystery woman pulling him closer and putting her lips on his. ‘she doesn’t kiss like her.’ megumi is yet again reminded that as much as he wants this to be you and he’s willing to pretend it’s you, it’s not you. still, he allows her to unbotton his shirt as they make out and get into bed. she hiked up her dress for him, revealing her black laced panties. ‘her favourite set was red.’

megumi hovers over her, his eyes dead set on her panties making her a bit uncomfortable. ‘what am i doing?’ he questions himself, the headache starting to come back as the music that was previously bothering him can be heard from downstairs. “i need to go.” 

“what?” megumi barely gives her a chance to speak before getting out of bed and heading out the door. she fixes herself up before following after him, but by the time she’s back to the party, he’s already gone. 

megumi stumbles down the sidewalk, aimlessly walking into the night. the streetlights barely illuminate the sidewalk as he tried to keep himself upright. he finds himself at a dimly lit park, throwing himself onto a park bench. he groans as he takes out his phone, the bright light blinding him and making his skull splitting headache worse. the words on the screen are barely legible as he spends an embarrassing amount of time trying to find his contacts. he thinks about calling yuuji, but he knows he’s usually asleep by this time and keeps his phone on do not disturb at night. he scrolls to kugisaki and calls her instead. the phone rings for a bit, before he hears her groggy voice on the line. “hello..?” 

“can you pick me up?” megumi barely pieces his sentence together “oh my god megumi, it’s 3AM! you shouldve left earlier. i’m going to bed, i have a class in the morning.” 

“please, kugisaki. i can’t drive…” megumis words slur a bit “holy shit, you actually drank?? oh my god this isn’t what i meant when i told you to have some fun.”

“just pick me up. ill make it up to you.” megumi pleads over the phone, a desperate tone coming from his voice that she wasn't used to hearing even after knowing him for so many years

“yeah, whatever. where are you? actually, don’t fucking bother, you sound too wasted to figure that out. just send me your location.” megumi can hear his friend's bed sheets ruffling as she gets out of bed, which begins to fill him with a bit of guilt, even if she was the one who suggested he go to the party in the first place. eventually he figures out how to send kugisaki his location, patiently waiting for it to go through. “okay, i got it. ill be there soon, idiot.” she hangs up before he can say anything back. 

megumi sits back on the hard bench, rethinking his night at the party. he wasn’t even hung over yet but he already regretted all of it. he had hoped that the music and the people and the alcohol would distract him, take his thoughts away from the past and finally live in the present but they only made him miss you more. if you were still with him he’d be in your room, laying in your bed napping whilst you studied for your next exam. the music wouldn’t be blasting in his ears and causing him a headache and instead would be soft lofi playing quietly from your speaker, which helped you study and helped him sleep. he wouldn’t have to try and imagine the girl he was talking to was you, it would’ve been you.

 without thinking, megumi takes out his phone, opening up a locked folder. his face id unlocks the folder that held pictures and videos of you. he’s gone through everything multiple times and he wishes he could still take more and add them to his collection. he wishes you would still take pictures of your outfits and send them to him. he wishes his wallpaper was still his favourite picture of you.

tears begin to well in his eyes as he turns off his phone and stuffs it in his pocket, he can’t bring himself to look through that folder again. not in his current state. you’re already gone, he knows that, he’s been told that, you told him that. he knows he needs to move on and continue his life without you but you’ve been the only thing on his mind for months and the alcohol in his system certainly wasn’t helping. 

megumi wipes his tears as he hears the car in front of him beep. pushing himself off the bench, he limps his way over to his friend’s car and gets in the back seat. 

“jesus, i thought you didn’t like drinking.” usually his friend would laugh at him for things like this but this time her tone and the look on her face was more serious. “whatever.” 

the car ride was abnormally silent and the odd tension in the air was prevalent. kugisaki dropped him off in front of the dorms, his roommate already waiting for him outside. “thanks.” is all megumi can say to his friend as he walks away from her car. 

“you alright, megumi? did something happen while you were there?” yuuji takes a good look at his best friend. he knows it’s been rough since the break up, he’s seen all of it. he’s done what he can to help keep his mind off it, to help his friend move past it but clearly it’s all still there. he feels guilty for sending megumi to this party now. kugisaki suggested it but he was the one who really convinced him it’d be a good idea, but he should’ve thought it through a bit more. yuuji can see the puffiness of his eyes and it breaks his heart to see his normally stoic friend in such a state. he’s really tried everything to help but at this point he can’t do much anymore. “it’s okay man, forget about it.” he throws an arm around his friend to keep him stable, taking him back to their shared dorm. yuuji spends the night trying to distract his friend, getting him to sober up and eventually fall asleep. 

sunlight spilling from the blinds shines on megumis face, waking him up. the moment he opens his eyes he’s met with painful pounding in his head. still, he manages to sit up, his headache getting worst every moment hes conscious. he makes his way to the living room, where his friend is already sitting on the couch. “hey.” he barely mumbles out before plopping himself on the other side of the couch. “you hungry?” his roommate waved back at him. 

“no.” megumi gets himself comfortable on the couch, trying to distract from the overwhelming throbbing he’s feeling. suddenly his phone buzzes on the coffee table, where he apparently left it last night. picking it up, he had a slightly abnormal amount of notifications from kugisaki, both texts and calls. 

[ 4 missed calls from kugisaki ]

[ kugisaki: did you text y/n? ] 

[ kugisaki: megumi answer my call oml ]  

his heart drops as he opens his phone and goes to messages, and there he sees it. three messages he had sent last night, all of which he doesn’t even recall. “sorry…” yuuji looks over at his roommate, seeing the colour from his face leave as he looks at the messages he had sent. “i tried to stop you but you were gonna beat the shit outta me when i took your phone...” 

“it’s fine.. sorry.” megumi didn’t even want to read the messages he sent. he can see them, he can see that they went through, he can see that you haven’t read them, and he doesn’t want to read them either. he decides to turn off his phone and put it down, judging by kugisaki’s messages, you had already seen the messages and told her about them, just never actually opened them. ‘fuck.’ 

“hey, why don’t we just go out somewhere? To help you forget about it. let’s go watch a movie!” normally megumi isn’t the most excited about leaving his home and heading out. he prefers staying in his room, lounging on the couch or getting a good workout in at the gym, but today he feels more than ever that he needs to spend some time doing something else, distract himself from his sad, dull life. go out and have some actual fun, especially with his best friend. “sure,”

“I told you it’d be a good movie!” yuuji pokes at his friend’s arm. 

“It was about an earthworm.” megumi playfully rolls his eyes as the two of them walk out of the theater. “It was more than that! Did you even watch the movie!?” the two of them continue to argue about the quality of the movie they had just seen on their way to the parking lot. megumi takes his phone out of his pocket to check his notifications and his heart drops for a second time that day. a name that hasn’t appeared on his lock screen in months, the name he’d been waiting to see there for so long. it was the only one in his contacts to have any sort of emoji or decoration to it, and he never changed it despite everything. 

[ you: i mess you sofucjng much ] 

[ you: pls so im sorry for everything ] 

[ you: pleese baby pls talk to me ]

- Unread message  -

[ y/n <3: come over, we’ll talk about it ] 

megumi stares at the notification. it felt as if his heart skipped several beats. he opens the message and continues to stare. his fingers move on their own as he types a response and he doesn’t even think about it before hitting send. 

[ you: on my way ]

omg can u guys tell im not good at coming up with endings :sob:

[ghostlyr3xxx1]

Rex1anne's diary

Day 3

07:25 AM

I just woke up and i feel so tired, the worst part of not eating is how difficult it is to get out of bed, my body is so tired i just want to sleep all day long

For breakfast im having a chia seed water, i said i was sticking to liquid c4ls but this is my exception

I hope i can get up.

09:07 AM

I managed to wake tf up and have my chia drink, im off to school and also im going to buy a protein shake on the way for lunch

I feel amazing rn

12:14 AM

I drank some sprite zero as a snack before my lunch, i felt kinda nauseous but it was alright, i noticed that in one day i got really skinny and idk how i lost the weight this fast if this is my 2nd day on a 100% liquid d13t. Im feeling pretty normal yk, not happy, not sad, kinda numb but not in a bad way.

03:58 PM

No new stuff, im at my last school period and im feeling pretty normal, i still miss food but i don't want to stop the inner peace that ⭐️rv1ng gives me

05:44 PM

I just got home and noticed i got the hours kinda mixed up, started feeling dizzy and had to make an effort to not faint

I still don't want to eat

06:56 PM

I ended up eating some nachos, i feel shitty

07:21 PM

After those nachos i spent a good while pvrg1ng, idk why ppl do it like a routine, i only did it bcs desperate times need desperate measures

But it is so degrading

So gross seeing everything your f4t@ss ate just bcs she was a lil hungry

I feel so not liberated and so gross

Does pvrg1ng even do anything?

Idk

Maybe i should go burn some c4ls or keep throwing it up

What have i become?

At least nobody noticed

08:19 PM

God damn it

[cosmicallysick]

Oh my god I had to wake up 5 hours earlier than normal today for pulmonary testing and 2 hours after that I have an appt to discuss the results and I feel sooo nauseous from lack of sleep and food and my head is pounding cuz I can’t drink coffee until it’s all over (apparently I am caffeine dependent now) and I feel like I’m gonna fall asleep in this waiting room chair also why tf did I have to fill out 2 separate online check-ins yesterday that took forever and on top of that show up 30 minutes early to this appt for another check-in hey This Doctor’s Office please kys why would you make me do this I can’t wait to go home and SLEEP I’LL WORK OUT TOMORROW INSTEAD GOD JUST LET ME REST I’M DYING

[bunnihearted]

it's easy for other ppl to say that i should love my body. to think i should love my body. to judge me for being 'weak' or 'shallow' or whatever for not loving it. but they dont get it, bc they havent had to live with my body. how and why could i love it when i've mainly received insults nd ridicule for it? boys in my class used to joke abt my clothing size, my own friends talked behind my back and said things like yeahhh it was her who ate the entire bag of candy haha (even if i have an issue eating infront of other ppl. so i never even participate in eating or drinking anything w others. only some water but even that is difficult to do in front of others). my relatives judged me, nd i always had whatever was on my plate criticized by ppl around me. strangers in the store have side eyed me nd talked openly abt what items i bought and that i should be eating 'healthy'. my body has been judged and criticized wherever i've gone or have done. ppl stared, openly talked to eo abt how i should exercise or do this or that. ppl generally treat u worse and are rude to u if you're even slightly overweight. my shoulders are broad, my hips are narrow, i feel like everything is sagging. i have stretchmarks almost everywhere. i've lost weight bc of health issues but i still have back rolls in some angles. i still have fat armpits???? my body is just droopy and gross and i feel nauseous whenever i have to look at it. i love clothes but it's never fun bc nothing is flattering on me bc my body is so grotesque. my stomach is like dough. my arms r flabby. nd im pretty sure theres smth wrong w my body circulation bc like my legs are reddish while the rest of my body is my normal skin color. also.. ketasoris pilatoris (however tf thats spelled idc). anyway my body rlly is a horror show and i dont know. it's hard to "love" it or be fine w it bc i havent existed next to someone with it in it's natural state and not been scrutinized. (im lucky tho that my mom has never criticized my appearance or anything bc from my understanding it's smth many ppl have experienced). i mean sure when i've worn shorts in summer she's joked abt my legs been hairier than a man's but... not more than that. idk. it's just frustrating to be so judged for it. yes. i have a very complicated relationship w my body and appearance. im sorry if its annoying to u lmao? idk what to say. why would it be easy for me to exist unapologetically in my body? i can accept myself all i want, but if i cant feel that from others what will it matter? even if i often feel it, im not an island. im dependent on other ppl's input. it's just frustrating when ppl act like it should be easy or that i am weak or stupid for hating the way i look. it hurts to not ever receive a little bit of sympathy or compassion. no. im just stupid and weak and annoying!!!!! well. whatever. i dont care. at least the ground will accept my body wholly and completely when it eats me and i'll nourish the earth. worms and insects will accept me exactly as i am. it will all be absolutely unimportant to them. they wont even care abt whatever feelings i have abt it. theyre completely apathetic to all of it.

[caliburn-the-sword]

final cress thoughts!!!!

i absolutely inhaled that book holy shit lol. got winter at the bookstore today because shipment just arrived and i gotta say it's HELLA chonky. i am EXCITED. of course fairest will have to come first

since the plan has been explained to us the readers, that means it's DEFO gonna go wrong (note: it did - sybil ambushed them)

god why is cress married to everyone. first thorne now wolf

rolling my eyes sighing bile is rising in my throat. i CANNOT take this alpha nonsense. admittedly when cress says it in a brightest star of a constellation way, that's cute. unfortunately the omegaverse connotations cancels it out completely

OMG CINDER AND KAI FINALLY. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG. rip to everyone that was reading these as they came out because i can't imagine how PAINFUL it would have been to wait two years for them to see each other again as opposed to me just binging the books across like 3 weeks max by the time i finish the series

respect for torin holy shit that must have been SUCH a hard choice for him to make to not only let the prince go but to reveal his tracker chip

NO ERLAND IS NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE LETUMOSIS AND HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO DIE AND HE HAS TO REUNITE WITH CRESS. CRESS NEEDS TO KNOW. I AM LITERALLY IN STUDIES OF RELIGION CLASS RN I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS PAIN

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT THE PLAGUE IS BIOWARFARE. i'm a genius. but the mutated strain was just genuinely a coincidence judging by levana's reaction LMAO

was absolutely baffled why tf thorne was kissing cress before i remembered the promise he made. i feel sickly and nauseous. get off that minor rn

as much as i hate thorne. gotta admit that the shooting scene was badass

YES SYBIL TAKE THAT, BITCH

wonder who the queen is married to

i respect every ounce of rebellion in erland's bones. yeah piss off the queen!!

grossed out by cress and thorne some more. please man keep pushing her away. literally his responsibility as an adult. ew

holy shit scarlet actually lost her finger

it's nice to properly meet winter

something very strange seems to be going on with winter. master and pet lunar stuff?? weird af. wants to be besties?? girl are you even understanding the situation?? also has she never met a ranga before??? is she HIGH????? and what's with the role playing games??? she's somehow more delulu than cress, acts even YOUNGER than her actual age than cress does

winter seems to THINK that she was friends with cinder. interesting. once again i want cinder to get her memories of pre-fire back real bad

winter is a SIMP for jacin

OH I'M SO DUMB HOW DIDN'T I REALISE THAT SHE WOULD BE DELULU BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T USE HER GLAMOUR. respect for winter has increased. this means that ALL the time scarlet spent thinking about how beautiful winter is was the truth LMAO. gay gay homosexual gay. is it too much to hope for a polycule?? they'd literally be like parks and rec. "i'm wolf andthis is my gf scarlet, this is her gf winter, this is winter's bf jaycin".

ofc a lake on the moon is gonna be called artemisia lake LOL. now we've had one moon titan and one moon goddess reference. chang'e when????

NOT FARAFRAH. i bet you all found it downright HILARIOUS when i went on about how much i love farafrah back in one of the other posts

ngl think it's too early for cinder and kai to be eating each other's faces. kai got over his issues REAL fast lol. idk how i feel about it but willing to see where winter takes us

i didn't even think of the implication because i don't consider kai and levana legitimately engaged so i find it HILARIOUS that the silly family tree of kai being engaged to one woman and then making out with her niece. reminds me of ouat

revolutionary cinder ftw

speculation for fairest:

i did the maths and realised that since levana is like 30 and cinder is 16 then she was about 17 years old when she decided that cinder just had to go. I'M 17. cannot imagine killing a 3 year old. cray z. and then she was even YOUNGER than that when she killed her sister for the throne. ALSO insane. that will be one deeply disturbed mind to dive into in fairest

read the blurb and don't exactly have anymore thoughts other than trying to figure out who the in universe equivalent to her REAL husband would be since we're defo getting backstory on that. since she's the evil queen then it must be winter's father "the good king", however because of the blurb i reckon it's some kind of "mirror mirror on the wall" figure. idk what exactly that would entail. some kind of royal adviser???

speculation for winter, because i don't want to forget everything i'm thinking by the time i'm done reading fairest:

mother reveal for cress - i don't remember if any lunar scientists have been mentioned or named yet, but i WILL be keeping an eye out. i suspect someone who has something to do with the wolf soldier hybrids, she might even know wolf. regardless hope the bitch dies

father reveal for cinder

from the way jacin calls garan linh's device an equaliser, it's DEFINITELY gonna be reproduced in this book, ESPECIALLY with winter going all delulu, and the way cinder is concerned about becoming like levana

jacin pov chapters now that miss marissa doesn't have to make his motivations and loyalties ambiguous

ngl i HATE prequels, ESPECIALLY when they're about the villain of the story, and i often skip them. i'm a bit apprehensive about going into fairest, but i want to have the proper reading experience of tlc, and it's important to the story. putting my personal feelings aside and hoping for the best!!

@eddisfargo @francforever @winterrhayle @winterpinetrees @shellyseashell

[raquelles-multivitamin-gummies]

here’s the rundown on new guy

so he and i had a mutual friend who we’ll call C. i figured that if C was friends with him then he was an okay dude but i forgot to take into account that C is a goddamn maniac lol.

anyways i knew new guy for ab six or seven weeks (we only talked in the halls between classes or when C was around.) but at some point it became achingly obvious that he had a crush on me. he’d send sappy insta reels and stuff and there just like a ‘fuck’ moment when i realized.

so one morning he asked me to meet in front of the flagpole and i said yes and yada yada he confessed and i was really flat ab it and we went our separate ways.

initially i rejected him. i said i was off the market and had other commitments. but like literally a day later i broke down and msged him at like 3 am and asked if he’d date me. obviously he said yes.

by the second day i was getting i love you texts. it freaked me tf out but i didn’t say anything lol. i just didn’t react to it. at one point he called me babe and i shut that down but he went right back to calling me babe. i hated it.

he just gave me the ick. every time we msged i wanted to cry and felt nauseous. there was just something off ab him.

i think the final straw was when C told me that he had confessed to C that he’d been in somewhere between 40-50 relationships. that was just fucking insane to me. like there’s no way.

a, if that’s true then why did that many relationships end around him? bad taste or bad person? b, if that’s not true then why does he think that’s a flex?

the biggest issue i had with him is that i was never comfortable around him. i hated it. he made it extremely serious (imo) for a high school relationship (WE’RE SOPHOMORES. ITS NOT THAT DEEP. PLEASE.) and all-in-all i did not like being in the relationship. that’s the bottom line. he stepped over boundaries and said things that weren’t just questionable but also worrying.

but i broke it off and he’s moving back to the states on saturday so its fine.

also apparently he told C today that if C ever needed help hiding a body or killing someone that he could help. @needgrippysocks immediately planted in my head that new guy was thinking about me when he said that (>:( meanie).

but yeah!

td:lr he was creepy and now he’s gone.

[starjxsung]

star im cracking tf up my friend called me last night like around 1 am ish and i could visibly tell from her voice that she was drunk so i ended up asking her whats up and why she called and she just STRAIGHT UP GIGGLED FOR LIKE A SOLID MINUTE STRAIGHT..

she ended up asking me “do u think if pinocchio had a dick it would grow when he lies like his nose” and i js ended up staring at my ceiling still half asleep like NO?????? …??? …..??????????????? WHAT??? she ended up accidentally hanging up on me and called me again just to giggle for another minute to which i hung up on her so !!

i unfortunately had to summarize what happened when she called last night to her as soon as she woke up this morning but it was a funny experience nonetheless 😭😭

also i just wanted to update that i now have a newfound obsession which is honey dipped strawberries 🥰🥰 i used to love them when i was little but didnt have them for so long i forgot what they tasted like and out of boredom i tried them again and 😍😍😍😍 (i am in love) u should totally try them if u can theyre so 🤞🤞🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯

-ur little three leafed green puffball trapped in your resin necklace

~ 《 ☘️ 》

HELELEPRPPFPDORKRKOFFKRK I LOOOOVE when people drunk call me it’s literally my favorite thing ever 😭😭 every time my friends drunk call me I keep the call going for as long as possible bc they’re either SO sweet or funny as fuck and it’s so cute 😭 ok she’s so real for the pinocchio discourse tho…… like what are we thinking…. would he….. would it….. my thoughts are perhaps

ALSO RAHHH HONEY DIPPED STRAWBERRIES that’s strangely such a cute snack like it sounds so poetic and graceful. would you guys fucking kill me if I told you I hate strawberries 💔 I want to like them SOOOO BADDD but the smell of them makes me nauseous 😭 I feel like I could maybe?? get around to chocolate strawberries????? but I’ve never tried them so I don’t know. guys somebody hold me accountable I’m going to try chocolate strawberries the next chance I get 🤞

I love u my greenie clover resin necklace pendant angel loml I’m literally wearing u rn (I’ve literally always wanted to get a clover necklace irl is this my sign to….)

[sluttyten]

work up from a nap feeling kinda shitty thought eh whatever I’m fine, I took a shower and sat down to eat dinner with my parents, but I was feeling a little shaky too and figured that I must just be hungry but then we’re sitting there eating and right as I realized that I was not enjoying what we were eating and was just downing water instead I realized that my feeling kinda shitty was turning into feeling actually nauseous and getting really warm and I had to get up and leave and come sit down in my room and like put my head between my legs a little and take my sweatshirt off so I didn’t get physically sick

[turtle-steverogers]

I Watched TWS for the Millionth Time So Let’s Over-Analyze This Shit

-TFA theme at the beginning 🥰 (that theme is so fuckin good)

-Sam’s lil jogging route around the Tidal Basin/Mall

-Steve being sassy , just as a general

-Steve’s sadness errands

-Sam relating to Steve on the soldier front and making him feel seen

-Just. Sam Wilson

-The way that Steve’s to-do list in the movie varies from country to country (For instance, the UK list has Sherlock instead of I Love Lucy and The Beatles)

-Also I wanna know Steve’s thai order

-The fact that this whole exchange is happening at 6:39 am

-Natasha drives with all the recklessness of a 16 year old that just got their license

-Stealth Suit Stealth Suit

-Steve deflecting Nat’s date suggestions

-Steve’s aversion for parachutes...reckless endangerment ✨

-Steve speaking/understanding at least a little french

-Tony having designed the Helicarriers to have arc reactor power instead of turbines because “he got a close up look at the turbines” in The Avengers 2012 when he got caught in them

-“This isnt freedom, this is fear” aka the embodiment of Steve’s character

-Steve’s exhibit being in the Air and Space museum even tho he flew a plane once and crashed it

-Bucky’s display having two different birth years (1916 and 1917. the correct one is 1917)

-In the little video of Steve and Bucky, Sebastian Stan was saying “We *are* friends” after the director told them to “act like friends” for that shot

-Steve acknowledging Peggy’s family and therefore acknowledging that their relationship with each other, while still close and special, is not romantic anymore and Peggy telling Steve to move on and start over wtf endgame

-The parallel of Peggy losing her memory as Bucky regains his

-Sam Wilson willing to show vulnerability and not being ashamed of his PTSD and treating Steve like any other attendee and hoping Steve will open up too if he sees that it’s okay to

-Steve’s face after “it was like I was up there just to watch” cuz he gets it and both sam and him had to watch their other half fall

-“What makes you happy?” “I don’t know”

-The Winter Soldier theme is just Bucky’s scream pitched different and made to sound mechanical because Henry Jackman wanted it to sound like a man trapped in a machine

-Why is Steve a lucky bastard that has his own laundry machine

-Steve leaving his apartment building after Sharon points out the music and then SCALING THE SIDE OF HIS OWN BUILDING AND CLIMBING IN THROUGH HIS WINDOW LIKE CAN YOU IMAGINE SEEING CAPTAIN AMERICA JUST CLIMBING INTO HIS APARTMENT THROUGH HIS WINDOW ONE NIGHT

-STEVE’s APARTMENT I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS (i might make a separate post on that)

-The fact that “A Long, Long Time” is playing when he sees Bucky for the first time in the future and the song is about lovers reuniting after the war i’m not saying it’s gay but i am

-He calls Fury “Nick” which really indicates theyre not close in the slightest

-Steve is excellent in adapting under pressure (him immediately catching on and using Fury’s code story: “who else knows about your wife?”)

-Steve is Awful at lying but hes also Excellent at lying

-How tf did Steve get the flash drive in the vending machine without the vending machine dude noticing i-

-“Captain Rogers” “Neighbor >:(“ petty little shit

-Steve’s observation skills are A+++++ as we can see in the elevator scene

-More reckless endangerment like imagine just going through your work day and captain america falls through the ceiling

-Steve stole someones gym clothes after escaping SHIELD. let that sink in

-Natasha has about a billion masks on at all times (“I only act like i know everything, rogers” “the person that programmed this was slightly smarter than me. slightly” “the truth isn’t all things to all people all of the time”) also she’s quite insecure, especially when it comes to being perceived as a good, trustable person

-Meanwhile, Steve’s consistently himself even if it costs him

-Bucky trained Natasha in the Red Room (at least in the comics) so theres a good chance she made the connection between him and Steve and withheld that information

-The honeymoon in New Jersey😭😭

-Steve and Nat both have very different, but entirely valid approaches to situations: Steve’s is that of a tactiction, Nat’s is that of a spy’s. We see this in the scene at Pentagon City Mall

-Steve’s looking for someone with shared life experience and bucky has that

-Bucky killed JFK

-When Zola tells him that his death and life both amount to that of a zero sum, he punches the screen with his bare fist, not his shield, indicating just how much that upset him

-Pierce offers Bucky milk cuz he knows “the asset” can’t refuse or accept offers. He’s taunting him

-Sam drinks orange juice straight from the bottle and also doesnt refrigerate his mustard. There’s also a baseball trophy in his apartment so,,,,, baseball player sam anyone?

-Sam is also a gem who immediately helps out Steve and Nat with no judgement in his tone so they don’t feel ashamed

-Nat straightened her hair somewhere in Sam’s house

-“Cuz thats really not your style, Rogers” “you’re right, it’s not” *rubs sitwell’s arm* “it’s hers”

-Steve and Nat banter Steve and Nat banter

-Sam is just *clenches fist* so cool

-Nat immediately knows where Bucky’s gonna shoot when he lands on the Sam’s car and later she knows how to affectively fight him best because he trained her so she knows his fighting style

-Steve alone saying “Bucky?” was enough to break Bucky’s conditioning the slightest bit

-Sam met Steve like 36 hours ago and he’s already being arrested and made into a government fugitive with him and it won’t be the last time

-Steve is the only one entirely restrained

-“Even when I had nothing I had Bucky”

-Everyone meets Sam and is just like “aight let’s trust him with the highest clearance security information”

-Steve looks super nauseous all through the scene where Rumlow is handcuffing him and later when he says, “he looked right at me, like he didn’t even know me” he sounds sick and choked up

-Steve carries a lot of weight on his shoulders

-Steve’s “Bucky?” after the highway battle and Steve’s “Bucky?” in Bucky’s memory in the Vault Scene being different (in Bucky’s memory, he looks more heartbroken)

-Sebastian’s acting. Just all of it. And the way Bucky just opens his mouth for the mouth guard before he gets wiped....heartbreaking

-Steve realizes an organization that was meant to protect the people has become its own antithesis so hes like “aight. get rid of it” damn that’s the right mindset right there

-In the memory scene after Sarah’s funeral, Steve is so out of it and distressed, that he can’t find his key but Bucky immediately knows exactly where it is and what he’s lookin for

-Bucky was vain as shit and also had money: tailored suit, hair w shit ton of brylcreem in it

-The big breakfast Steve had was at Sam’s house

-The whole scene on the helicarrier between Steve and Bucky is incredible here are some highlights: Steve never backing down from a fight until it’s Bucky he’s fighting, Steve dropping the shield for him, Steve being ready to die if living means he’s living in a world where Bucky’s alive and doesnt remember him

-Their acting in that scene is so genuine and heartbreaking i can’t- i can’t-

-Steve’s got a comm i’m so chances are Nat, Sam and Maria can hear a portion of what’s going down on the helicarriers

-“I’m with ya to the end of the line” is basically “til death do us part” so the equivalent of wedding vows between Bucky and Steve is what ultimately broke Bucky’s conditioning

-When bucky fell, steve didn’t jump after him but when Steve fell, bucky went after him even tho he’s brainwashed. don’t think about steve’s guilt surrounding that. youll only get sad

-Bucky waited until Steve took a breath to leave him

-Sam waited by Steve’s side in the hospital

-In the end credit scene, Bucky and Steve originally were supposed to make eye contact, but the writers didn’t want it established that Bucky remembered Steve until CW

----

Every time I watch it from here on out, I’m gonna add a lil more as I notice hehehe

[fractallogic]

I am tired. I am so tired. I have no idea why I am so especially tired.

I'm also SO hungry but it's 10 PM and I am tired!!! I want to stop being hungry and tired!! I profoundly understand infants

how tf do I frame the last parts of my research that aren't even done yet for the undergrads. how do I end this lecture. why am I treating it like a job talk.

idk man. i'll have an hour or so to figure it out tomorrow. I can probably do that. everything's fine. I am anxious and tired and slightly nauseous and hungry and. why. why do I have to divine what I want for another post-dinner snack.

[sukirichi]

I was literally shaking while reading the third chapter,,,

The story build up is waaaay too intense for me. During the first chapter it felt like I was having having a nice picnic in a field of grass with wildflowers growing here in there but despite the tranquility the first part of the chapter offers, there's this sense of uneasiness as if something bad is about to happen. You know, that feeling where it creeps up into your skin slowly and suddenly it's in your bones and you can't shake it off, and before you know it- it's there. The uneasiness that creeps itself into your system presents itself in the second chapter,,,, and oh my goodness, that feeling didn't even prepare me at all! I was seriously dumbfounded after reading ch2 and by the time I get to my senses the chapter's already done. Since we've all waited for the latest chapter to arrive, I've had sometime to let things sink in and when reading chapter three, I guess I wasn't really expecting much stuff to happen (since you've mentioned that the chapter is a filler) but you know the feeling after it sinks in to you and you feel nauseous because of how bad and I mean,,, BAD ,,, things actually are? It left me weak and that's the reason why I'm shaking (HAHAHA I SAID TOO MUCH just to explain the shaking)

But- I just want to say how proud I am of Shinsuke TT_TT he was raised to be such a good boi. The intense exchange between him and Rin was the peak of my nausea like how tf can someone be so disgusting to the core??? I mean is Suna really that low??? Also, I guess my hatred for Iris kinda lessened just a teeny tiny bit considering the fact that she's doing all this bec she's fighting for her love BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN SHE CAN USE YN LIKE THAT!!! welp- It's still a bit difficult to conclude my feelings for everyone because we're only at ch3 so I'm patiently waiting for the next chapters to come!! <3

thank you for always taking the time to answer my asks uwu

omg hana, thank you so much for this, I am so happy to hear what you felt about the story! the dread part is totally relatable and that’s actually what I was going for! I just wanted things to feel very…uneasy and uncomfortable, bcos there’s so much uncertainty in the story and almost all parties are so anxious on what’s going to happen bcos royal marriages are a big deal.

but yes, prince shinsuke was raised to be a really good guy, he’s a super good person! one of the reasons why Shinsuke turned out to be a decent human is bcos he had both a great father and mother figure! shinsuke’s biological mom was very present in his life and she raised him outside of the castle, so he had really different beliefs from his brothers who grew up around the queen/or were just taken care of by nannies. the king also loves shinsuke a lot so he treated him really well! and thank you so much too for taking the time to send me such detailed messages, I appreciate it <33

[elliemuze]

READY FOR THE LATEST TOMFUCKERY, KIDDOS?!

Context: I tested positive for Covid and had quite a motherfucking Time™️ of it. I happened to leave the house one day in the last like... 2 weeks, which was for therapy. The only person I saw was my therapist, we social-distanced, and I always wear a mask. Since that night was when it hit me out of fucking nowhere (like within 10 minutes, suddenly I was Unwell), I still have no idea where I could've possibly gotten it from. I am vaxxed, so the symptoms thankfully weren't as severe as they could've been, but it was still pretty bad cuz chronic illness + heart condition is a super unfortunate recipe that I do not recommend. Oh, also, the day I got tested was the day I was supposed to receive my booster. So fml already.

Me: Huh. Why tf am I so nauseous these last few days? Chunderella's been one dry heave away from rainbow yawning into the toilet every morning. What gives???

Me, to my dog: There's a mystery afoot, furbug. Time to put our Thinkin' Hoodie on and riddle the shit out of this, toot-fuckin'-sweet.

[Historian's Note: Thinkin' Hoodie is a blue/purple/green splash design that features a vibe-focused sloth who is more content in life than I could ever hope to be. It's comfy, but just enough of an inconvenience to put on that it gets the gray matter firing on all cylinders.]

Me: This shouldn't be Covid-related, right? Covid is respiratory, it doesn't make people throw up. Plus it's only been an issue the last couple days... I wasn't nauseous the first stretch. What changed...?

*algorithm begins calculating, dial-up sounds commence, steam exudes from ears, buffering symbol appears over eyes*

Me: 💡!

Me: Son of a bitch.

One quick Google search will enlighten a curious mind about the perils of zinc supplements, and consequently piss one off entirely in regards to how shoddy and uninformative the prescription medicine trade really is.

Let's rewind a hot minute! After testing positive, my doctor's nurse called and told me to take zinc supplements on top of my usual vitamins. Not sure if that was at the behest of my actual doctor, or merely her personal suggestion, since zinc is supposed to benefit your immune system.

Alright, noted. Hearing this, I asked my grandmother to pick me up some zinc tablets next time she was at the pharmacy. Easy peasy.

⚠️ FUN FACT! ⚠️ Cuz I sure didn't know! Zinc is hella dangerous to take as a supplement! Why, you ask? Well, because it's a fucking mineral, and too much of that can cause toxicity, nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, kidney and stomach damage, and other major health problems!

What is the safe and proper daily dosage, you might wonder next? I'd be delighted to tell you!

8mg for women

11mg for men

[according to Google]

And what was the (INCIDENTALLY SMALLEST AVAILABLE) dosage of the bottle on every shelf, which can be purchased without prescription???

FIFTY FUCKING MILLIGRAMS, MY GOOD BITCH.

I AM POSITIVELY VERKLEMPT.

What a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation.

Even Magneto side-eyeing me like: "Damn, girl, they got you fucked up. Even I know that's not normal."

Erik out here making me dance cuz Enrichment Day at the psych ward ain't cutting it, and Charles won't return his calls again.

Anyways, no more zinc for this potato. 🚫

[ayo-cowbelly]

opinions on star wars outfits: a saga

my thoughts on five of a certain character’s outfits (if they have that many) in the series, because this galaxy takes weird shit and calls it fashion- and it WORKS

first up: padme <3 we’re doing ten for her cause she is a model and rocks everything she wears, and she has so many outfits it’s insane (don’t worry i put in the ‘keep reading’ thing so this doesn’t take over your dash, i’m sorry it’s so long, the others won’t be)

#1: the lantern dress

i think i saw something that said they plugged in the little ovals at the bottom to make them light up, so that’s cool.

when i was a kid, i thought they looked like beetles or something.

 the color’s nice.

also, is it lined with FUR? wow they went all out for someone who rules a resort of a planet.

 looks like it’d be heavy though.

something that’s good in theory but when you wear it for more than an hour you’re sweating and you can’t move and you really need to go to the bathroom, but to do that you have to like... fully undress in the stall or something and it’s not even worth it.

rating: 6/10 because it’s cute but might get uncomfortable

#2: the battle outfit

ooo i love this one. it’s like.. chic but simple?

and the color is super cool.

it’s a skirt that’s kind of... around the pants? which is awesome; gives it some flair.

i like the yellow stripey things on the shoulders. very fun.

downside? it looks like it’s velvet. which, honestly, isn’t my first choice fabric for running around a palace shooting at robots. but kudos to padme for doing so while still looking amazing.

i’d figure out a way to trip on the skirt, i swear, but i like that they still have one for their battle outfits. like yeah we’re in a firefight but flowy skirt go swish

rating: 7/10 because it’s very nice, just might be a bit impractical

#3: the purple headdress one

pretty colors

looks like a nighttime version of the sunset dress

i love that she wore this for traveling. like, who’s gonna see you? your handmaidens, rattail-hair obi wan, Weed Dad Jinn and Bowl Cut Baby Ani. not much of an audience. but also, i shouldn’t be talking, seeing as i dress up for zoom calls in my house and then keep my camera off the whole time.

the gold part of the headpiece is cool, it stands out but doesn’t clash.

the design on the headpiece looks like one you’d see on an old guy’s sweater (that diamond pattern? why do they all wear it?)

very nice outfit overall

rating: 8/10 because it’s pretty but not my favorite

speaking of the sunset dress... #4: ONE OF THE BEST ONES ON THIS LIST

THIS IS LIKE. THE BEST ONE.

It’s so beautiful??? and THE OMBRE?? I DIE

and that low back, okay padme i see you ;)

when i was young i wanted this dress so bad.  i asked for it for my birthday a few times.

i want to wear this dress so i can stand in an empty room and twirl around

the sleeves are so pretty and flowy and swishy. BEAUTIFUL.

this outfit boosts my serotonin levels 100000%

rating: 10/10 because YES.

#5: the aggressive negotiations jumpsuit

first of all, reminds me of leia’s hoth outfit, like mother like daughter

the cape looks like a throw blanket i have

why she’d wear to a red desert planet, i’m not sure, but whatever floats your boat

the metal cuffs on the arms look like they’d get uncomfortable after a while- like you’d get the same red marks from them that you get when you wear jeans all day

also the hairstyle looks like... pipe cleaners or noodles or something? i don’t know but she makes it work

rating: 6/10 because: 1) i think this was just an excuse for natalie to wear something s3xy and 2) i wanna see obi wan wear this instead but alas

#6: the corset dress

STEP ON ME QUEEN

 this is the dress that started my realiziation i’m bisexual i swear. i rewatched AOTC and just paused the screen for like thirty minutes

she rocks this dress like she rocks the star wars world (and mine)

 the only downside is the headband. the metal looks like it’d hurt after a while. or like it’d be a BITCH to take after wearing it for a few hours (cause it seems to go into the ponytail or something if that makes sense)

also i’m not a huge fan of the scarf but whatever it looks good

rating: 9/10 because WOW OKAY

#7: the beaded nightgown

okay i don’t know who else besides padme would wear something with BEADS to sleep in but i’m here for it 

she really goes all out, like girl really wears a nightgown with a cape

i would get eaten alive trying to sleep in this, watch me get swallowed by the amount of material combined with the blankets

actually maybe i wouldn’t need a blanket, i could just wrap myself up in this dress like a metallic burrito

the color is beautiful and looks like it came out of lothlorien

to be honest this outfit just somehow gives me galadriel vibes and I AM LOVING IT

downside: i mean why you’d wanna sleep with beads on i’m not sure, seems like it’d get uncomfortable (those suckers DIG into your skin or at least scratch it)

rating: 9/10 because beauty is pain but shouldn’t be too much pain

#8: (we’re almost done i promise) another travel outfit but make it tan

“anakin, you’re breaking my heart” yeah well you know what’s breaking my heart, padme? those leggings. sorry babe but the color looks like my skin when i’m nauseous. i don’t know they just don’t do it for me

also what gets me about this outfit is that she found out anakin killed a bunch of people but still decided she just HAD to change her outfit and do her hair before going to see him. like i know it was probably for practicality purposes (who tf wants to wear a gown to mustafar) but still

but i do like the color, nice and simple and it looks good with her hair

also the arm gloves are cool.

the boots remind me of luke’s in ROTJ, which are awesome. the twins inherited their mother’s fashion sense

rating: 6/10 because *gru voice* i like it, but not a lot

#9: the green velvet monstrosity (doing this one because they can’t all be winners)

okay i’m sorry maybe it’s just me but I... low key hate this dress. well hate’s a strong word but still 

she looks great, it’s just the outfit i don’t like. the color reminds me of.... puke, a little bit.

i don’t like the yellow-green with the purple. maybe it’s just the lighting, but i don’t feel like they go together i’m sorry. also i just don’t like velvet but that’s a personal thing. upside, it hides her pregnancy well, which i think is what she was going for during ROTS. but yeah this is probably my least favorite padme outfit (one of them, at least).

this one does not spark a lot of joy

rating: 4/10 because i don’t like it but she still looks good

#10 / final one: the funeral dress

hard to get a good picture of this one but whatever

OKAY I LIED THIS IS MY FAVORITE  

she looks like a water nymph and i ADORE it  

it’s so so so beautiful and i love the colors and WITH THE FLOWERS ON THE SIDE i just love it so much.

her hair looks awesome as well

the blue is amazing and i love it with the mixes of purple and sparkles and green. 

the outfit looks like it came from a fantasy forest or something, it’s great

I LOVE IT

this one sparks joy

[kommunistkaitou]

Also I'm partway through the evil food eater novel (to be clear, I started with the Pride arc and then went back to Lust and am now going chronologically) so here's my thoughts so far-

the plotline of banicas backstory Is Indeed fatphobic but it's nowhere near as bad as I'd feared it would be and @mikuhaku 's posts abt it really helped steel me so tyvm for that, clarith ur a heroe

banica is definitely the most sympathetic and relatable contractor to me so far? Like I love Riliane but I don't have much in common with her and I had zilch in common w/her when she was a princess, and obviously cherubim can fuck off, but banica... she horts my heart. like esp the way how as a teen she's so timid and traumatized but then lights up and infodumps happily when asked about her favorite subject, shes so cute

im genuinely rlly impressed by how well Carlos is written too? Like tbh I kinda expected him to be just, angsty karchess, but he feels very real. As a teenage prince he's obnoxious in the way that wealthy teen boys Are, but his life sucks enough to prevent him from being genuinely unpleasant. & Then as an adult he still is haunted by how he let his family hurt his first ever friend and is worried about her

to the point where he volunteers to let an evil sorceress magically change his face, so he can go work for her as a cook, while knowing full well that her cooks don't last more than a couple weeks?? & Then he sticks it out for a super long time despite being made to do grueling disgusting and dangerous work, and w/his only co-workers being creepy twins who hate his guts for reasons out of his control

& when arte tells him it's bc he resembles the man who abandoned her & pollo he apologizes to her, even tho they've been tormenting him... carlos bby i know from the songs that ur gonna end up going on an interdimensional road trip with these people, u have Got to learn to stand up for urself!!

Anyway the moments where banicas humanity resurfaces when she's talking to him are ;-; ... how she's genuinely upset and angry when he dies... The last thing he hears being her calling him out for it like Damnb ;;;-;;;

Oh also I love platonic I totally thought she was toast but she has Swag. Also I'm glad they explained that Bruno is a title bc the only Bruno I know about from the fandom is Gallerian's husband and that would make him like 700 years old by the time Gallerian is introduced which would be, weird.

Speaking of, im like 95% sure that Gallerian is the person that the narrator is addressing the story to?? It's a super cool framing device that combines world building, learning about Gallerian in the future, and learning about the main plot of the novel

also I did NOT realize that Lord Hedgehog the pervert who loves torture was going to ever be an actual relevant character, I totally thought that was just a throwaway bit from praefacio of blue lmao

oh also Irina's power being limited bc she's possessing a man is a trans mood funny af like. Babe why are u doing that... Just find a girl to possess even temporarily ur SO picky

anyway as you can probably tell I'm liking this a lot more than the lust arc, though I have a phobia of old food which has made reading about some of the shit banica gets up to really uhh difficult like anything moldy or rotten and I get physically nauseous so I'm having to take it slow

also I wanna know where TF she's still getting ingredients from considering that they're basically under siege but from the song I know they start running out eventually so I'm sure that'll be answered

[priceforrottenjudgement]

just dropping in to say

Happy holidays and all that to all of you

stay on for some cringey ramble stuff after the cut

seriously, its dumb, dont read it unless you want to cringe hard

ok so christmas was as stressful as every year, but on top of the full brunt of family this was also the first year the amount of presents i got got radically cut down. you see my mom kind of decided for our entire family (like nobody except her was that thrilled about the idea) to stop giving nieces and nephews presents once they turn 22. i mean it makes sense. at some point you gotta stop. i still get stuff from my parents and grandparents, my sister and friends. only this year my mother decided that the gift i would get was 2 pairs of glasses. which i didnt exactly need. i mean my eyesight got worse, but not drastically and i could have just gotten new lenses in my old glasses. but no. i need 2 brand new ones. (i dont even like wearing glasses. i hate the fact that i need them and will put them down as soon as i dont need them anymore)

i even signalled her before even entering the shop (originally just to have my eyesight checked) that i wasnt interested in any new glasses. i didnt even want to go into the shop, but she insisted. now my mother knows i’m incapable of saying no to a salesperson, has seen it happen many times. so me being confronted by both a salesperson and my mother trying to convince me to get new glasses was a sure way to get me to say yes to them even though i didnt actually want or need them.

so we got them and my mother just said “oh i’ll pay for those, it’ll be your christmas present.” and on the inside i was like ‘great.’. so we left the shop and the first thing my mother said to me was “thats not what you wanted for a present, was it?” and i had been trying to talk myself out of feeling disappointed before that (because i wasnt gonna be the brat who is ungrateful for any kind of present) but what did she expect me to say? ‘no, i dont want these’?? we already bought them?? i told you beforehand that i didnt want any new glasses and you knew i am not able to say no and now you ask me a question like that? why?? normally i would always act excited about a present (if i wasnt already genuinely excited), but this kind of pissed me off, so i just said “we’ve got them now.”

none of this would be anywhere near upsetting or disappointing if it weren’t for the fact that i had to spend a lot of my own money on stuff i needed or on bills, so i havent been in the position to spend money on stuff i WANTED or that would make me happy for some time. and the few times i did, i felt kinda guilty about it. so i had kinda been counting on my presents being some sort of frivolous stuff or merch or dvds or just anything i could get excited for. add that to the fact that those two glasses used up both my parents’ and my grandparents’ budget, which meant that they were one of the two things i was getting on christmas eve. 

i know this sounds like i’m a huge ingrateful brat and making this out to be more dramatic than it needs to be, but i’ve been in such a.. idk weird state over the past few weeks/months, like the most mundane, innocent things upset me to the point of tearing up (which is so out of character and weird for me, it’s upsetting on its own). and i couldn’t even drink anything bc the mere smell of alcohol makes me nauseous somehow wtf (i realise that this may make me sound pregnant, but thats not whats happening here).

sooooooo, an annoyed mother who shouts at everyone the entire day, two taxing grandparents, no alcohol, being grateful and excited about a gift i wasnt soo happy about and my general gloomy mood made for a more  stressful than usual christmas eve.

and if youre now wondering why tf i had to go on and on about something so unimportant and petty: i warned you. your own fault for reading this. even i didnt re-read this bc it would have made me cringe.